Being a girl who has friends in every social circle at school or college without compromising your true self is no easy task. However, a free-spirited and strong-willed girl can meet this challenge by focusing on who she is, what she wants from life, and where she's headed.
Part 1
Step 1: Be Yourself.
Be yourself. This advice may sound like a cliché, but it has real merit. Being authentic prevents others from taking advantage of you if you simply mimic them. This leads to vulnerability to manipulation by selfish or indifferent individuals. Developing your own “self” takes time, so don’t worry if you haven’t fully figured yourself out yet. In fact, this process is ongoing, as a healthy and rational person is always ready to adapt to new situations and embrace personal changes. Being yourself is important for several reasons:
- It allows you to follow your own path and heed good advice rather than wavering under the influence of ill-intentioned people. You can change on your own terms because, as harsh as it sounds, you can forget who you are.
- It means you can handle criticism from others. This doesn’t make you insensitive; rather, you’ll learn to discern constructive advice from mere jabs.
- You know what you want from life and don’t wish to change just to accommodate someone else’s plans or interests. You’re free to reach compromises to avoid being put in a difficult position by trying to befriend someone or yielding to others at the expense of your own values.
Step 2: Show Respect to Others.
Show respect to those around you. Value the feelings and dignity of others and accept their differences. Being liked by many means showing genuine interest in them and making it clear that you don’t judge anyone. Openly ask questions about what matters to them or what they enjoy doing. Try to remember what they share with you. When you meet them again, bring up the topic to emphasize that you care about what they said and haven’t forgotten.
- Don’t judge people by their appearance. If you initially feel uncomfortable around someone, give them another chance. They might need someone like you. Allow them to be heard, and you might gain another friend.
Step 3: Find Common Interests with People from Each Group.
Find common interests with people from each group. However, remember to be genuine. If everyone loves listening to rock music and you only enjoy it occasionally, make sure to express that. Chances are, they’ll appreciate you even more for bringing a “fresh perspective” to their group.
Step 4: Be Realistic.
Be realistic. You can't please everyone, no matter who you are or how you behave. There are many reasons for this, but it’s not a reason to despair or feel unwanted. You may never know why some people dislike you. But even if you do, there’s nothing you can do about it, so don’t consider yourself worthless or try to conform to these people. In the end, it’s their loss. Sometimes, people change their perceptions of someone when they realize their actions don’t affect that person. Conversely, they may start ignoring you, so stand firm. Aim to disregard their behavior while still respecting them and not diminishing their dignity. In other words, continue to act politely and kindly without spreading negativity.
Step 5: Be Sincere.
Be sincere. If you constantly change your thoughts and beliefs from group to group, you’ll quickly earn a bad reputation as people will compare notes and realize you’ve been pretending and lying. To be liked by others, you can’t just say what they want to hear or try to mimic them. You can show genuine interest, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything or love the same things. Find polite ways to express that you find someone’s perspective, principles, or hobbies interesting, but you have your own preferences. This is what it means to be sincere: to demonstrate genuine interest in the person, listen attentively, but not create a false impression that you share the same thoughts or passions.
- For example, Katya tells Masha that she loves going to the movies every weekend. Masha, on the other hand, thinks that it’s not only expensive but also a waste of time overall. Instead of saying, “Yes, I love going to the movies every weekend too!”, Masha says, “Going to the movies on weekends sounds really exciting. I’m sure you know a lot of interesting movie facts. It would be great if you could join us for a quiz when the movie questions come up! I only watch movies about 2-3 times a month.”
Step 6: Enjoy the Company of Others.
Enjoy the company of others. Don’t turn your desire to be liked into an obligation or a mission. Instead, just be friendly with everyone and enjoy your time with those around you. Meeting people, getting to know them better, and spending time together is a hobby in itself. If you enjoy someone's company, that will reflect in your actions, smile, and overall demeanor.
